Daily Meditations | Dr. Sarah Kwan, PhD

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Inspo

Matrescence: the transition to motherhood. The physical, spiritual, emotional and social process to mother-becoming.

Matrescence: the transition to motherhood. The physical, spiritual, emotional and social process to mother-becoming.

This is us!

We are Sarah, Athenia, Beverly and Victoria and we are so glad we made it into your orbit. While we possess a diversity of foci and specializations, we are all firmly rooted in a foundation of inclusion, dignity and the right to self-realization; holding that multiple systems interact to influence mental health, we also believe that our core selves are indelible and move intuitively towards empowerment and a more enlivened existence.

We invite you to explore our website to learn more about each of us. If you feel a connection with any of our bios, please reach out for a free 15 minute consultation.

This is us!

We are Sarah, Athenia, Beverly and Victoria and we are so glad we made it into your orbit. While we possess a diversity of foci and specializations, we are all firmly rooted in a foundation of inclusion, dignity and the right to self-realization; holding that multiple systems interact to influence mental health, we also believe that our core selves are indelible and move intuitively towards empowerment and a more enlivened existence.

We invite you to explore our website to learn more about each of us. If you feel a connection with any of our bios, please reach out for a free 15 minute consultation.

When I was 11, I challenged my friend to a race. As I ran, tipping my body forward, I remember the weight of my book bag dragging me back; the more I pushed, the more it I was forced backwards. Eventually, I ended up in the ER with a broken arm 🥴 I often think of this when I find myself running headlong towards the promise of escape. Escape from a feeling, a situation, a person, myself…anything and anyone who might promise a relief from my reality. Every single time, the weight of that which I refused to process pulled me straight back to the very pain I thought I’d left behind.
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#therapist #therapy #wellness #selfcare #sanfrancisco #journaling #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #journal #asiantherapists #asianmentalhealth #aapi #aapimonth #health #asianamerican #asianamericansadvancingjustice #asiansdotherapy #womenshealth #womensmentalhealth #therapyforwomen #mentalhealthmatters #mentalwellness #decolonizingmentalhealth #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthadvocate #anxiety #depression #sftherapist #

When I was 11, I challenged my friend to a race. As I ran, tipping my body forward, I remember the weight of my book bag dragging me back; the more I pushed, the more it I was forced backwards. Eventually, I ended up in the ER with a broken arm 🥴 I often think of this when I find myself running headlong towards the promise of escape. Escape from a feeling, a situation, a person, myself…anything and anyone who might promise a relief from my reality. Every single time, the weight of that which I refused to process pulled me straight back to the very pain I thought I’d left behind.
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.

#therapist #therapy #wellness #selfcare #sanfrancisco #journaling #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #journal #asiantherapists #asianmentalhealth #aapi #aapimonth #health #asianamerican #asianamericansadvancingjustice #asiansdotherapy #womenshealth #womensmentalhealth #therapyforwomen #mentalhealthmatters #mentalwellness #decolonizingmentalhealth #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthadvocate #anxiety #depression #sftherapist #

“If they want to, they would.”⠀
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Maybe in some circumstances, but in others, perhaps “if they want to, can they?,” is more apt. ⠀
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It can be important to de-personalize a loved ones inability to show up for us in the way that we need. Someone can love us, want desperately to show us that love, but be hindered in a way that makes it impossible. ⠀
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It is not a reflection of you or how much love you deserve. It is not a reflection of your ability to be loved. As hard as it is to believe, it isn’t about you at all. It is a reflection of their own unresolved trauma and pain. Full stop. ⠀
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De-personalizing serves us multi-fold. We can find compassion for our loved ones and meet them where they are, whilst letting go of self-blame and shame, opening the door to healthy boundaries and the possibility of a truthful, honest and authentic relationship.
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#therapist #therapy #wellness #selfcare #sanfrancisco #journaling #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #journal #asiantherapists #asianmentalhealth #aapi #aapimonth #health #asianamerican #asianamericansadvancingjustice #asiansdotherapy #womenshealth #womensmentalhealth #therapyforwomen #mentalhealthmatters #mentalwellness #decolonizingmentalhealth #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthadvocate #anxiety #depression #sftherapist #

“If they want to, they would.”⠀
⠀
Maybe in some circumstances, but in others, perhaps “if they want to, can they?,” is more apt. ⠀
⠀
It can be important to de-personalize a loved ones inability to show up for us in the way that we need. Someone can love us, want desperately to show us that love, but be hindered in a way that makes it impossible. ⠀
⠀
It is not a reflection of you or how much love you deserve. It is not a reflection of your ability to be loved. As hard as it is to believe, it isn’t about you at all. It is a reflection of their own unresolved trauma and pain. Full stop. ⠀
⠀
De-personalizing serves us multi-fold. We can find compassion for our loved ones and meet them where they are, whilst letting go of self-blame and shame, opening the door to healthy boundaries and the possibility of a truthful, honest and authentic relationship.
.
.
.

#therapist #therapy #wellness #selfcare #sanfrancisco #journaling #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #journal #asiantherapists #asianmentalhealth #aapi #aapimonth #health #asianamerican #asianamericansadvancingjustice #asiansdotherapy #womenshealth #womensmentalhealth #therapyforwomen #mentalhealthmatters #mentalwellness #decolonizingmentalhealth #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthadvocate #anxiety #depression #sftherapist #

In this time of transition, anxiety and fear can dominate our emotions. Whether it is venturing into a new world or worrying about the safety that world holds, we often get caught up in a paralyzing cycle of anxiety. In this place, we tend to overestimate the risks of a situation and underestimate the personal resources we possess to address that situation. What are the actual, factual perils of a feared circumstance and what intrinsic skills, strengths and support systems can you call on to meet it?
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#therapist #therapy #wellness #selfcare #sanfrancisco #journaling #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #journal #asiantherapists #asianmentalhealth #aapi #aapimonth #health #asianamerican #asianamericansadvancingjustice #asiansdotherapy #womenshealth #womensmentalhealth #therapyforwomen #mentalhealthmatters #mentalwellness #decolonizingmentalhealth #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthadvocate #anxiety #depression #sftherapist #

In this time of transition, anxiety and fear can dominate our emotions. Whether it is venturing into a new world or worrying about the safety that world holds, we often get caught up in a paralyzing cycle of anxiety. In this place, we tend to overestimate the risks of a situation and underestimate the personal resources we possess to address that situation. What are the actual, factual perils of a feared circumstance and what intrinsic skills, strengths and support systems can you call on to meet it?
.
.
.
.
.

#therapist #therapy #wellness #selfcare #sanfrancisco #journaling #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #journal #asiantherapists #asianmentalhealth #aapi #aapimonth #health #asianamerican #asianamericansadvancingjustice #asiansdotherapy #womenshealth #womensmentalhealth #therapyforwomen #mentalhealthmatters #mentalwellness #decolonizingmentalhealth #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthadvocate #anxiety #depression #sftherapist #

Let’s breathe together. ⠀

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Do you know of the vagus nerve? It is our conduit to the parasympathetic nervous system, our release valve for stressful emotions. This practice of breathing regulates the shallow breaths we take when activated or panicked and is a simple way to connect with the present and our true selves. Breathe with me.

Let’s breathe together. ⠀

⠀
Do you know of the vagus nerve? It is our conduit to the parasympathetic nervous system, our release valve for stressful emotions. This practice of breathing regulates the shallow breaths we take when activated or panicked and is a simple way to connect with the present and our true selves. Breathe with me.

The armed insurrection and siege on the US Capitol has ripped out the hearts of so many and as my mind skips on a loop through the horror of it all, it continually lands on the fear and anguish that has been triggered in those who have fled political persecution, civil wars and fascism for the warm shelter of America’s “open arms.” It is another depth of pain to flee everything and everyone you know, with only hope in your heart, pouring all you have into the “American Dream,” only to be repeatedly battered with the knowledge that you are not wanted here; that your fellow citizens would rather wage a coup than to let go of the White supremacy that has been predicated on your dehumanization. ⠀
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My mind goes to intergenerational traumas and the legacy of pain born to so many Americans; the awareness that has been embedded into blood and bones; the awareness that you will always be a perpetual foreigner in the only country you have ever belonged to, the only home you have ever known. This type of warfare chips to the core of your soul. ⠀
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On a personal level, when I think of my own family’s immigration story, which played out against the backdrop of Chinese Civil War, my thoughts are punctuated by the Chinese Exclusion Act, Geary Act, the Chinese Immigration Act etc., state sanctioned exclusions to keep people like my family out. Yet we still came, still hopeful, still believing that America could be better, be what we saw in our hearts. Now we know, it was never what we saw in our hearts, but I still believe in that dream. I have to. And the work marches on... #washthehate #racismisavirus

The armed insurrection and siege on the US Capitol has ripped out the hearts of so many and as my mind skips on a loop through the horror of it all, it continually lands on the fear and anguish that has been triggered in those who have fled political persecution, civil wars and fascism for the warm shelter of America’s “open arms.” It is another depth of pain to flee everything and everyone you know, with only hope in your heart, pouring all you have into the “American Dream,” only to be repeatedly battered with the knowledge that you are not wanted here; that your fellow citizens would rather wage a coup than to let go of the White supremacy that has been predicated on your dehumanization. ⠀
⠀
My mind goes to intergenerational traumas and the legacy of pain born to so many Americans; the awareness that has been embedded into blood and bones; the awareness that you will always be a perpetual foreigner in the only country you have ever belonged to, the only home you have ever known. This type of warfare chips to the core of your soul. ⠀
⠀
On a personal level, when I think of my own family’s immigration story, which played out against the backdrop of Chinese Civil War, my thoughts are punctuated by the Chinese Exclusion Act, Geary Act, the Chinese Immigration Act etc., state sanctioned exclusions to keep people like my family out. Yet we still came, still hopeful, still believing that America could be better, be what we saw in our hearts. Now we know, it was never what we saw in our hearts, but I still believe in that dream. I have to. And the work marches on... #washthehate #racismisavirus

My niece is everything I believe in and everything I’m about #7thgradepresident #family #youthempowerment #youthleadership

My niece is everything I believe in and everything I’m about #7thgradepresident #family #youthempowerment #youthleadership

Have you ever tried to force life? Using brute strength to propel yourself into the growth you think you need, into the person you think you need to be? Oh how luxurious might it be to force timing! The truth is that forcing anything will likely be met with resistance; roots may rot, leaves may wilt, blooms may fade and growth may seize. This is not to say that we don’t challenge ourselves and others or that we move into complacency, rather, we let go of narrow expectations and begin to separate growth from the outcome.

We meet ourselves where we are and (often) we do less.

When we are intentional with our lives, leaning into ourselves, nurturing our strengths, scaffolding what needs to be healed and stumbling when we need to stumble, growth will happen. We cannot control anything or anyone but if we nurture spaces that energize us, that care for us, that demand that we shine, growth will become a byproduct of that abundant soil.

Have you ever tried to force life? Using brute strength to propel yourself into the growth you think you need, into the person you think you need to be? Oh how luxurious might it be to force timing! The truth is that forcing anything will likely be met with resistance; roots may rot, leaves may wilt, blooms may fade and growth may seize. This is not to say that we don’t challenge ourselves and others or that we move into complacency, rather, we let go of narrow expectations and begin to separate growth from the outcome.

We meet ourselves where we are and (often) we do less.

When we are intentional with our lives, leaning into ourselves, nurturing our strengths, scaffolding what needs to be healed and stumbling when we need to stumble, growth will happen. We cannot control anything or anyone but if we nurture spaces that energize us, that care for us, that demand that we shine, growth will become a byproduct of that abundant soil.

Hopelessness can feel like the most painful of shackles. We can begin to consider ourselves as impotent, insignificant and at the mercy of a momentum that feels impossible to contend with. But that is not the truth. We belong to our communities, we make up our communities, we are the citizens and leaders of our communities, we ARE our communities; therefore, we are indispensable and necessary architects of the change we want to see in the world. You matter. Your voice matters. #washthehate #racismisavirus

Hopelessness can feel like the most painful of shackles. We can begin to consider ourselves as impotent, insignificant and at the mercy of a momentum that feels impossible to contend with. But that is not the truth. We belong to our communities, we make up our communities, we are the citizens and leaders of our communities, we ARE our communities; therefore, we are indispensable and necessary architects of the change we want to see in the world. You matter. Your voice matters. #washthehate #racismisavirus

A community, a vow, a chosen family, a garden, a renewed friendship, a peaceful moment. So many of us are heartbroken with feelings of despair and a sense that things are too big to try to tackle. Go smaller. Think micro. We, you, I can build safety and wonderment and love, even if it is for just one person. Even if that one person is simply yourself. It reverberates 💫

A community, a vow, a chosen family, a garden, a renewed friendship, a peaceful moment. So many of us are heartbroken with feelings of despair and a sense that things are too big to try to tackle. Go smaller. Think micro. We, you, I can build safety and wonderment and love, even if it is for just one person. Even if that one person is simply yourself. It reverberates 💫

Process, frame & re-frame #asiansforblacklives #asiansforblacklivesmatter #washthehate #racismisavirus

Process, frame & re-frame #asiansforblacklives #asiansforblacklivesmatter #washthehate #racismisavirus

This is very important • @ebonyjanice #JusticeForStephonClark:
1. I have cried every time I’ve watched this video of protestors at #Sacramento City Council board meeting this morning because (a) Officers not being charged AGAIN for ANOTHER murder of ANOTHER unarmed black man blows my mind (b) Black people are still having to protest to be protected by the same laws and privileges that nonBlack/especially white ppl have two thousand and nineteen years after the #crucifixion/#assasination of balky headed black #Jesus. (c) I have never seen white people do this right (d) this is good training and all folk claiming to be an #ally shld have to go through this kind of rigorous training to be prepared to use their privilege in this way.
2. Lets be clear... #Hollywood will make a movie abt everybody in this video and leave out the name and face if the Brother at the center of this movement. And very scantily mention #StephonClark. It will win an #Oscar.
...
This is another way I use #HipHopWomanism to discuss matters because @erykahbadu’s #Tyrone comes up for me “I’m getting tired of yo sht (America) you don’t never buy me nothing. (Let me live).” #ErykahBadu And @saintrecords’s #Weary. “I’m gone look for my body (glory), yeah. I’ll be back like real soon.” #Solange <- Womanist: Not a separatist except sometimes for #health. #HealThySelf ...
#Accomplice Over Ally (word to @lyvonnep) because an ally can send their prayers and sympathy from across the ocean... an accomplice is there, their resources are there, their body is there, they are in it with you. #EffYoAlly
...
I have cried several times watching this because I still haven’t gotten over #MichaelBrown, #TrayvonMartin, #AltonSterling, #TerenceCrutcher... Hell... I’m still grieving #AmadouDiallo, #SandyBland 😩 #SeanBell. DO YOU KNOW NAMES I HAVE TATTOO’d ON MY HEART THAT ARE GONE WITH NO CONSEQUENCE BECAUSE OF ANTIBLACK RACISM UPHELD BY THE SYSTEMS ANS GOVERNMENT THAT WE PAY TAXES TO SUPPORT WITH NO SUPPORT? It’s too many names. I know them by heart. I grieve them on the daily. Do you know how many names? Names I know that you haven’t even ever heard? Do you? #TheFreePeopleProject

This is very important • @ebonyjanice #JusticeForStephonClark:
1. I have cried every time I’ve watched this video of protestors at #Sacramento City Council board meeting this morning because (a) Officers not being charged AGAIN for ANOTHER murder of ANOTHER unarmed black man blows my mind (b) Black people are still having to protest to be protected by the same laws and privileges that nonBlack/especially white ppl have two thousand and nineteen years after the #crucifixion/#assasination of balky headed black #Jesus. (c) I have never seen white people do this right (d) this is good training and all folk claiming to be an #ally shld have to go through this kind of rigorous training to be prepared to use their privilege in this way.
2. Lets be clear... #Hollywood will make a movie abt everybody in this video and leave out the name and face if the Brother at the center of this movement. And very scantily mention #StephonClark. It will win an #Oscar.
...
This is another way I use #HipHopWomanism to discuss matters because @erykahbadu’s #Tyrone comes up for me “I’m getting tired of yo sht (America) you don’t never buy me nothing. (Let me live).” #ErykahBadu And @saintrecords’s #Weary. “I’m gone look for my body (glory), yeah. I’ll be back like real soon.” #Solange <- Womanist: Not a separatist except sometimes for #health. #HealThySelf ...
#Accomplice Over Ally (word to @lyvonnep) because an ally can send their prayers and sympathy from across the ocean... an accomplice is there, their resources are there, their body is there, they are in it with you. #EffYoAlly
...
I have cried several times watching this because I still haven’t gotten over #MichaelBrown, #TrayvonMartin, #AltonSterling, #TerenceCrutcher... Hell... I’m still grieving #AmadouDiallo, #SandyBland 😩 #SeanBell. DO YOU KNOW NAMES I HAVE TATTOO’d ON MY HEART THAT ARE GONE WITH NO CONSEQUENCE BECAUSE OF ANTIBLACK RACISM UPHELD BY THE SYSTEMS ANS GOVERNMENT THAT WE PAY TAXES TO SUPPORT WITH NO SUPPORT? It’s too many names. I know them by heart. I grieve them on the daily. Do you know how many names? Names I know that you haven’t even ever heard? Do you? #TheFreePeopleProject

In this moment, I find it hard for my thoughts to keep up with my emotions, slippery, so so hard to hold onto; however, through it all, this one truth remains clear. Although the pain is collective, we will all have to take a personal look inwards in order to locate ourselves amongst the systems and narratives that we have been force fed. Process, frame & re-frame. Breathe. This is the direction I choose in becoming. **it is important to note that my path does not mean that I don’t recognize the racism and devastation Asian-Americans have been through. Rather, the opposite. There is no peace for all marginalized until there is peace for the most marginalized #asiansforblacklives #asiansforblacklivesmatter

In this moment, I find it hard for my thoughts to keep up with my emotions, slippery, so so hard to hold onto; however, through it all, this one truth remains clear. Although the pain is collective, we will all have to take a personal look inwards in order to locate ourselves amongst the systems and narratives that we have been force fed. Process, frame & re-frame. Breathe. This is the direction I choose in becoming. **it is important to note that my path does not mean that I don’t recognize the racism and devastation Asian-Americans have been through. Rather, the opposite. There is no peace for all marginalized until there is peace for the most marginalized #asiansforblacklives #asiansforblacklivesmatter

In this time of turmoil and disorientation, I find myself thinking about those who have been through past trauma; those who know intimately what it feels like to have the roar of deprivation coursing through their bodies, weaving its way throughout lives and across generations. The threat of what we we are living in is destabilizing for us all, but for those who have been through the trauma of genocide, immigration, war and persecution, the frenetic energy of scarcity that surrounds us can instantly trigger whirlwinds of panic, fear and survival. If you can, check in on your all your friends and send some extra love and support to those who may be experiencing this pandemic as yet another layer of trauma.

In this time of turmoil and disorientation, I find myself thinking about those who have been through past trauma; those who know intimately what it feels like to have the roar of deprivation coursing through their bodies, weaving its way throughout lives and across generations. The threat of what we we are living in is destabilizing for us all, but for those who have been through the trauma of genocide, immigration, war and persecution, the frenetic energy of scarcity that surrounds us can instantly trigger whirlwinds of panic, fear and survival. If you can, check in on your all your friends and send some extra love and support to those who may be experiencing this pandemic as yet another layer of trauma.

The Window of Tolerance is the optimal zone of arousal where we are able to manage and thrive in every day life. This can be thought of as sailing within a river of well-being (Siegel & Bryson, 2012) where we are able to respond to all that comes our way without getting thrown off course. When we are outside of our window of tolerance, our nervous system responds by going into survival mode – fight, flight or freeze. We can either feel overwhelmed and go into hyper-arousal or we can shut down and go into hypo-arousal. ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀
Our window of tolerance can be narrow or wide and is different for all people and at different times in our lives. Emotional regulation depends on our ability to be mindful of fluctuations in our level of arousal and to respond wisely. By becoming aware of body sensations, thoughts and emotions, we can learn to recognize when we are in our optimal zone of arousal or going into hyper or hypo-arousal. When we are able to regulate and widen our window of tolerance, we can enjoy more smooth sailing regardless of the waves, obstacles and adventures we encounter.

The Window of Tolerance is the optimal zone of arousal where we are able to manage and thrive in every day life. This can be thought of as sailing within a river of well-being (Siegel & Bryson, 2012) where we are able to respond to all that comes our way without getting thrown off course. When we are outside of our window of tolerance, our nervous system responds by going into survival mode – fight, flight or freeze. We can either feel overwhelmed and go into hyper-arousal or we can shut down and go into hypo-arousal. ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀
Our window of tolerance can be narrow or wide and is different for all people and at different times in our lives. Emotional regulation depends on our ability to be mindful of fluctuations in our level of arousal and to respond wisely. By becoming aware of body sensations, thoughts and emotions, we can learn to recognize when we are in our optimal zone of arousal or going into hyper or hypo-arousal. When we are able to regulate and widen our window of tolerance, we can enjoy more smooth sailing regardless of the waves, obstacles and adventures we encounter.

I know it typically comes with the benefit of #hindsight but the more I have the benefit of hindsight, the more I can see myself through #storms that feel specifically designed to prevent me from getting to where I just know I should be. How many times have we known that things were absolutely #awful or absolutely wonderful? How many times have we seen our erroneous #perceptions with the benefit of hindsight? I am still learning to have gratitude for those people and events that have made me feel lesser than, but the journey feels ever so less personally painful when I remember to check in with all the “awful” things that have brought about so much #growth and self-love. And then, when I inevitably forget about all the things I thought I wanted, I go back to #practice this again and again...tonight, tomorrow and the next day.

I know it typically comes with the benefit of #hindsight but the more I have the benefit of hindsight, the more I can see myself through #storms that feel specifically designed to prevent me from getting to where I just know I should be. How many times have we known that things were absolutely #awful or absolutely wonderful? How many times have we seen our erroneous #perceptions with the benefit of hindsight? I am still learning to have gratitude for those people and events that have made me feel lesser than, but the journey feels ever so less personally painful when I remember to check in with all the “awful” things that have brought about so much #growth and self-love. And then, when I inevitably forget about all the things I thought I wanted, I go back to #practice this again and again...tonight, tomorrow and the next day.

Forgiveness. ⠀ ⠀
#Forgiveness is so often the #goal after relationship agreements are breached. Certainly, it can be an admirable aim but it also sets up a peculiar power dynamic. One has it and the other seeks it; it can be bestowed and, just as quickly, taken away; it can lead to feelings of guilt or shame for the “forgiver” if they are unwilling or unable to forgive someone who has harmed them. ⠀ ⠀
What if we shifted the lens from forgiveness to empathy? #Empathy acknowledges that the personal journey towards healing is ours alone to determine. It validates and prioritizes the central hurt we feel whilst also allowing us to identify with and find #compassion for those who have hurt us. It reminds us to always check in with ourselves first and enables us to maintain boundaries, reconnecting or parting ways as needed. Empathy meets us where we are, inviting us to move or stay based only on our own inner wisdom. ⠀ ⠀
Forgiveness may be a byproduct of this journey but it is certainly not the journey alone.

Forgiveness. ⠀ ⠀
#Forgiveness is so often the #goal after relationship agreements are breached. Certainly, it can be an admirable aim but it also sets up a peculiar power dynamic. One has it and the other seeks it; it can be bestowed and, just as quickly, taken away; it can lead to feelings of guilt or shame for the “forgiver” if they are unwilling or unable to forgive someone who has harmed them. ⠀ ⠀
What if we shifted the lens from forgiveness to empathy? #Empathy acknowledges that the personal journey towards healing is ours alone to determine. It validates and prioritizes the central hurt we feel whilst also allowing us to identify with and find #compassion for those who have hurt us. It reminds us to always check in with ourselves first and enables us to maintain boundaries, reconnecting or parting ways as needed. Empathy meets us where we are, inviting us to move or stay based only on our own inner wisdom. ⠀ ⠀
Forgiveness may be a byproduct of this journey but it is certainly not the journey alone.

When we seek to force change, clenching our teeth and bearing down so as to achieve that promotion, that relationship, that version of ourselves we just know we could be, a funny thing happens; we can end up at the top of that mountain, utterly unprepared to receive all that we have worked for. To do less is to be open to change in its most organic, authentic and intentional form. Letting go allows a release from clinging fears, expectations, emotions, grudges and disappointments so that when the clouds break and we summit that peak, we will be wholly able to embrace all that has come to us.

When we seek to force change, clenching our teeth and bearing down so as to achieve that promotion, that relationship, that version of ourselves we just know we could be, a funny thing happens; we can end up at the top of that mountain, utterly unprepared to receive all that we have worked for. To do less is to be open to change in its most organic, authentic and intentional form. Letting go allows a release from clinging fears, expectations, emotions, grudges and disappointments so that when the clouds break and we summit that peak, we will be wholly able to embrace all that has come to us.

The easiest way to think about a #boundary is a property line. We have all seen “No Trespassing” signs, which send a clear message that if you #violate that boundary, there will be a consequence. This type of boundary is easy to picture and understand because you can see the sign and the border it protects. ⠀ ⠀
Personal boundaries can be harder to define because the lines are invisible, can change, and are unique to each individual. Personal boundaries, just like the “No Trespassing” sign, define where you end and others begin and are determined by the amount of physical and emotional space you allow between yourself and others. ⠀ ⠀
Personal boundaries help you decide what types of communication, behavior, and interaction are acceptable.

The easiest way to think about a #boundary is a property line. We have all seen “No Trespassing” signs, which send a clear message that if you #violate that boundary, there will be a consequence. This type of boundary is easy to picture and understand because you can see the sign and the border it protects. ⠀ ⠀
Personal boundaries can be harder to define because the lines are invisible, can change, and are unique to each individual. Personal boundaries, just like the “No Trespassing” sign, define where you end and others begin and are determined by the amount of physical and emotional space you allow between yourself and others. ⠀ ⠀
Personal boundaries help you decide what types of communication, behavior, and interaction are acceptable.

Setting #boundaries is essential if we want to be both physically and emotionally healthy. ⠀ ⠀
Creating healthy boundaries is empowering. ⠀ ⠀
By recognizing the need to set and enforce limits, you protect your self-esteem, maintain self-respect, and enjoy healthy relationships.

Setting #boundaries is essential if we want to be both physically and emotionally healthy. ⠀ ⠀
Creating healthy boundaries is empowering. ⠀ ⠀
By recognizing the need to set and enforce limits, you protect your self-esteem, maintain self-respect, and enjoy healthy relationships.

Inner self: the soul, spirit, heart; the 𝘺𝘰𝘶 of you. When we are in the throws of relationships with emotionally immature partners/caretakers etc., we are often forced to stop nurturing our inner selves and surrender all of that self to the other. Drawing boundaries and asserting our limits not only frees up energy to care for ourselves, but also allows us to interact with situations and people without negating our own needs and dignity.

Inner self: the soul, spirit, heart; the 𝘺𝘰𝘶 of you. When we are in the throws of relationships with emotionally immature partners/caretakers etc., we are often forced to stop nurturing our inner selves and surrender all of that self to the other. Drawing boundaries and asserting our limits not only frees up energy to care for ourselves, but also allows us to interact with situations and people without negating our own needs and dignity.

Abundance, abundance, #abundance. Sometimes the ebbs and flows of life can feel pointedly, searingly #personal; as if someone else’s bounty depends on our famine. That isn’t the truth. There are infinite personal wins to be had, often limited only by the #scarcity of our #mindset.

Abundance, abundance, #abundance. Sometimes the ebbs and flows of life can feel pointedly, searingly #personal; as if someone else’s bounty depends on our famine. That isn’t the truth. There are infinite personal wins to be had, often limited only by the #scarcity of our #mindset.

Your previous relationships do not dictate your current or future relationships #onwards

Your previous relationships do not dictate your current or future relationships #onwards

To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength ⠀
⠀
- Criss Jami

To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength ⠀
⠀
- Criss Jami

Setting boundaries DOES NOT equate to selfishness and abandoning others. Setting boundaries DOES equate to self-respect, respect for the agency of others and healthy relationships.

Setting boundaries DOES NOT equate to selfishness and abandoning others. Setting boundaries DOES equate to self-respect, respect for the agency of others and healthy relationships.

How many seconds, minutes, hours do we devote to worrying about others’ perception of us? What would we do instead with that abundance of time? What could we accomplish if we directed all that time to caring for and learning to love ourselves?

How many seconds, minutes, hours do we devote to worrying about others’ perception of us? What would we do instead with that abundance of time? What could we accomplish if we directed all that time to caring for and learning to love ourselves?

Outgoing introvert here 🙋🏻‍♀️⠀
⠀
A different way of thinking about introversion and extroversion. Where are you energized? Around others or solo? And what comes forward when you are confronted with social encounters? When I was a child, extroverts were prized (group projects were not my friend!), but then I learned that these traits are simply where one gains and restore energy. Introverts are often so intensely internally stimulated that they actually need to take a break from the onslaught of external sensory experience. Conversely, extroverts seek stimulation from the outside world (hello adrenaline junkies!). Adding to this mix is the way in which we behave around others. This adds dimension to the complicated story of human interaction.⠀
⠀
What style are you?

Outgoing introvert here 🙋🏻‍♀️⠀
⠀
A different way of thinking about introversion and extroversion. Where are you energized? Around others or solo? And what comes forward when you are confronted with social encounters? When I was a child, extroverts were prized (group projects were not my friend!), but then I learned that these traits are simply where one gains and restore energy. Introverts are often so intensely internally stimulated that they actually need to take a break from the onslaught of external sensory experience. Conversely, extroverts seek stimulation from the outside world (hello adrenaline junkies!). Adding to this mix is the way in which we behave around others. This adds dimension to the complicated story of human interaction.⠀
⠀
What style are you?

grief. all that love we ache to give. but cannot.

grief. all that love we ache to give. but cannot.

I am so humbled to have participated as a panelist alongside @democracynow , @teawithmd , & @ndnlifestylist, and to lead a workshop on ‘Self-care & Girls of Color’ at the @riotconference. @riotconference was started by young women @sfuhsorg & @riot_sfuhs to bridge the disconnect of women of color at private independent schools in the Bay Area through a day of embrace and encouragement. During the conference, my mind often went to my own 16 year old self who, incidentally, attended the same @sfuhsorg high school, and who felt, at times, so alone and altogether unworthy. Oh, how validated and SEEN I would’ve have felt if such an initiative had existed back in the day! My esteem and admiration go out to these warrior women and trailblazers; my heart feels oh so full with the knowledge that our future is in bright and loving hands. ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀
Posted @withrepost • @arianna.a.nassiri ⠀ ⠀ ⠀
I had such a wonderful time at today’s @riotconference ; the inspiring words of keynote speakers (including @therealnancydouyon , @dr.sarah.therapy, @teawithmd, and @ndnlifestylist) reminded all the young women in the room of their capability to bring about change in the working world, while still making time for valuable self-care. Students present represented many independent, private schools across the city. We partook in workshops lead by powerful women of color, a Q&A, and bonding activities which united us students upon our commonality of being female, ethnic individuals in predominately male-oriented, white communities. ——————
#riot #riotconference #riottlc #tlc #youthcom #sfyouthcom #ariannanassiri #bethechange #prioritypolicy #selfcare #conference #legislation #vote16 #sanfrancisco #cityhall #womenofcolor #feminism

I am so humbled to have participated as a panelist alongside @democracynow , @teawithmd , & @ndnlifestylist, and to lead a workshop on ‘Self-care & Girls of Color’ at the @riotconference. @riotconference was started by young women @sfuhsorg & @riot_sfuhs to bridge the disconnect of women of color at private independent schools in the Bay Area through a day of embrace and encouragement. During the conference, my mind often went to my own 16 year old self who, incidentally, attended the same @sfuhsorg high school, and who felt, at times, so alone and altogether unworthy. Oh, how validated and SEEN I would’ve have felt if such an initiative had existed back in the day! My esteem and admiration go out to these warrior women and trailblazers; my heart feels oh so full with the knowledge that our future is in bright and loving hands. ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀
Posted @withrepost • @arianna.a.nassiri ⠀ ⠀ ⠀
I had such a wonderful time at today’s @riotconference ; the inspiring words of keynote speakers (including @therealnancydouyon , @dr.sarah.therapy, @teawithmd, and @ndnlifestylist) reminded all the young women in the room of their capability to bring about change in the working world, while still making time for valuable self-care. Students present represented many independent, private schools across the city. We partook in workshops lead by powerful women of color, a Q&A, and bonding activities which united us students upon our commonality of being female, ethnic individuals in predominately male-oriented, white communities. ——————
#riot #riotconference #riottlc #tlc #youthcom #sfyouthcom #ariannanassiri #bethechange #prioritypolicy #selfcare #conference #legislation #vote16 #sanfrancisco #cityhall #womenofcolor #feminism

Sending love to all the loves of our lives, including, and most importantly, to the versions of ourselves, before, now and forevermore #love

Sending love to all the loves of our lives, including, and most importantly, to the versions of ourselves, before, now and forevermore #love

Welcome the present moment as if you have invited it. It is all we ever have so we might as well work with it rather than struggle against it. We might as well make it our friend and teacher rather than our enemy #goodolddays #onwards #pemachodron #theoffice #yesthisisaquotefromtheoffice #wisdom #wisdomliveseverywhere

Welcome the present moment as if you have invited it. It is all we ever have so we might as well work with it rather than struggle against it. We might as well make it our friend and teacher rather than our enemy #goodolddays #onwards #pemachodron #theoffice #yesthisisaquotefromtheoffice #wisdom #wisdomliveseverywhere

Here’s to the abundance we all possess🤸🏽‍♀️ #give #share #bymariandrew

Here’s to the abundance we all possess🤸🏽‍♀️ #give #share #bymariandrew

Without consistently, actively and intentionally seeking to locate ourselves within systematic power dynamics we, as therapists, risk directly harming those we wish to serve #antiracism #rosalarian

Without consistently, actively and intentionally seeking to locate ourselves within systematic power dynamics we, as therapists, risk directly harming those we wish to serve #antiracism #rosalarian

And right in this #moment, you are #perfect. You are exactly where you need to be and exactly who you need to be. ⠀ ⠀ ⠀
Repost @laylafsaad ⠀

Send love to all the versions of you that have gone, and all the versions of you that are to come.
•••
📷: @creatingpeacewithfood

And right in this #moment, you are #perfect. You are exactly where you need to be and exactly who you need to be. ⠀ ⠀ ⠀
Repost @laylafsaad ⠀

Send love to all the versions of you that have gone, and all the versions of you that are to come.
•••
📷: @creatingpeacewithfood

Monday All ⭐️⭐️⭐️’s! I’m going to tap into my Sleep, Routine & Exercise all-stars. How about you? #mentalhealth @iamhoneydill

Monday All ⭐️⭐️⭐️’s! I’m going to tap into my Sleep, Routine & Exercise all-stars. How about you? #mentalhealth @iamhoneydill

BAY AREA TICKETS SOLD OUT 🎟🎟 So exciting to see how much interest there is in unpacking these critical topics. ⠀
Rachel is an activist and writer whose work is rooted in providing tools and resources to help facilitate meaningful conversation around the intersection of race and womanhood. Her voice is urgently important and she will be offering two events while she is here.⠀
⠀
Event #1 Unpacking White Feminism is a lecture format that explores the history of feminism through the lens of race. This focuses on uncovering layers of unlearned details, revealing the problematic effects that white centered activism has had on the past and present state of the feminist movement.⠀
⠀
Event #2 The Start : An anti-racism intensive workshop, brings her anti-racism work into an intimate & intensive conversation exploring race, white supremacy, feminism and the work we must all do to be a part of the solution.⠀
⠀
If you find yourself interested, curious, uncomfortable or challenged, I respectfully encourage you to sign up, listen and join together to #dothework♥️⠀

BAY AREA TICKETS SOLD OUT 🎟🎟 So exciting to see how much interest there is in unpacking these critical topics. ⠀
Rachel is an activist and writer whose work is rooted in providing tools and resources to help facilitate meaningful conversation around the intersection of race and womanhood. Her voice is urgently important and she will be offering two events while she is here.⠀
⠀
Event #1 Unpacking White Feminism is a lecture format that explores the history of feminism through the lens of race. This focuses on uncovering layers of unlearned details, revealing the problematic effects that white centered activism has had on the past and present state of the feminist movement.⠀
⠀
Event #2 The Start : An anti-racism intensive workshop, brings her anti-racism work into an intimate & intensive conversation exploring race, white supremacy, feminism and the work we must all do to be a part of the solution.⠀
⠀
If you find yourself interested, curious, uncomfortable or challenged, I respectfully encourage you to sign up, listen and join together to #dothework♥️⠀

Mark your calendars for 9/29! I am so so humbled to work with #courageous #women to help bring @rachel.cargle to San Francisco. During this series, Rachel will be speaking on Unpacking #White #Feminism as well as conducting an anti-racism intensive workshop. Swipe for dates/cities and I will post a link to tickets when they become available!

Mark your calendars for 9/29! I am so so humbled to work with #courageous #women to help bring @rachel.cargle to San Francisco. During this series, Rachel will be speaking on Unpacking #White #Feminism as well as conducting an anti-racism intensive workshop. Swipe for dates/cities and I will post a link to tickets when they become available!

Guilty🙋🏻‍♀️of having felt every single one of these emotions...maybe even (not so long ago) all in one day🙋🏻‍♀️
⠀
Perhaps the question I most often encounter in both my personal and professional life is “how do I stop feeling...pain, envy, sadness, _________ (fill in the blank)?” I have spent a great deal of my life trying strategy after strategy to escape the discomfort of these emotions, but found that the further I ran, the quicker, smarter and stronger they became. Plus, I kind of loved the inextricable flip side of these emotions, the pleasure, the lovingness, the joy that complete the spectrum. ⠀
So I stopped running and braced myself for a catastrophe of fear and pain.
⠀
Instead, what I discovered was that while I still felt these emotions, the helplessness and inevitability I had become accustomed to had transformed into an expanse of space and choice. So I decided to stop spending my energy on trying to extinguish the inextinguishable and instead decided to choose (and choose over and over again) to find that space and choice.
⠀
If we slow down, we can find that there are quiet moments that live within our cacophony of emotions. These moments provide the opportunity to feel, straight through the heart, emotions that we otherwise thought would overwhelm us. In doing this, the opportunity to explore the nucleus of these emotions materializes, allowing us to stop reacting and to start intentionally carving new paths from which to evolve and grow.
⠀
This photo was sent to me by the loving, wise, spirited and dedicated shape maker @grace_chakkalackal

Guilty🙋🏻‍♀️of having felt every single one of these emotions...maybe even (not so long ago) all in one day🙋🏻‍♀️
⠀
Perhaps the question I most often encounter in both my personal and professional life is “how do I stop feeling...pain, envy, sadness, _________ (fill in the blank)?” I have spent a great deal of my life trying strategy after strategy to escape the discomfort of these emotions, but found that the further I ran, the quicker, smarter and stronger they became. Plus, I kind of loved the inextricable flip side of these emotions, the pleasure, the lovingness, the joy that complete the spectrum. ⠀
So I stopped running and braced myself for a catastrophe of fear and pain.
⠀
Instead, what I discovered was that while I still felt these emotions, the helplessness and inevitability I had become accustomed to had transformed into an expanse of space and choice. So I decided to stop spending my energy on trying to extinguish the inextinguishable and instead decided to choose (and choose over and over again) to find that space and choice.
⠀
If we slow down, we can find that there are quiet moments that live within our cacophony of emotions. These moments provide the opportunity to feel, straight through the heart, emotions that we otherwise thought would overwhelm us. In doing this, the opportunity to explore the nucleus of these emotions materializes, allowing us to stop reacting and to start intentionally carving new paths from which to evolve and grow.
⠀
This photo was sent to me by the loving, wise, spirited and dedicated shape maker @grace_chakkalackal

* When we have been raised in a culture that lives to work, rest can feel like a #guilt-laced luxury. So much so that #rest and #care become synonymous with laziness and indulgence. Therefore, burning ourselves out must mean we are doing things correctly, that, nose to grindstone, we have earned our badge of honor, right?
******
* I think not.
******
* Caring for ourselves is an inextricable part of the work. How can our engines fire up, how can we carry and support our loved ones, how can we show up as our best selves if we are out of fuel?
******
* I am very aware that in our current #society, many people do not have the option or #opportunity to exercise self-care. On a macro level, I feel this speaks to our many entrenched systems that need to be rethought, torn down, rebuilt and/or put to bed. On a micro level, it is an absolute part of my own work (and a work in progress) to exercise my #privilege of rest and self care in order to hold #safety and #space for others.
******
* Quote from @feminineshift; retrieved from the page of @rachel.cargle

* When we have been raised in a culture that lives to work, rest can feel like a #guilt-laced luxury. So much so that #rest and #care become synonymous with laziness and indulgence. Therefore, burning ourselves out must mean we are doing things correctly, that, nose to grindstone, we have earned our badge of honor, right?
******
* I think not.
******
* Caring for ourselves is an inextricable part of the work. How can our engines fire up, how can we carry and support our loved ones, how can we show up as our best selves if we are out of fuel?
******
* I am very aware that in our current #society, many people do not have the option or #opportunity to exercise self-care. On a macro level, I feel this speaks to our many entrenched systems that need to be rethought, torn down, rebuilt and/or put to bed. On a micro level, it is an absolute part of my own work (and a work in progress) to exercise my #privilege of rest and self care in order to hold #safety and #space for others.
******
* Quote from @feminineshift; retrieved from the page of @rachel.cargle

Self-care because you can’t pour from an empty cup🥛☕️🍶This weekend, let’s treat self-care as a necessity rather than as an indulgence. What will you do to fill up your cup? 🌿🍄🌎 #bayarealove

Self-care because you can’t pour from an empty cup🥛☕️🍶This weekend, let’s treat self-care as a necessity rather than as an indulgence. What will you do to fill up your cup? 🌿🍄🌎 #bayarealove

obstacles or opportunities? #happysundays Mizuta Masahide (1688)

obstacles or opportunities? #happysundays Mizuta Masahide (1688)

A little #humpday reminder that although it may not feel like it, we are constantly receiving all that we need and in this moment, life is right on track #wantvsneed #yougotthis

A little #humpday reminder that although it may not feel like it, we are constantly receiving all that we need and in this moment, life is right on track #wantvsneed #yougotthis

Somewhere in the middle of being driven by “what other people think,” the tension between desire for approval and the fear of disapproval, are we missing what we really want?
•
Since childhood, some of us have been trying to get approval, trying to get people to like us and think highly of us. We may be afraid that people will leave us if they disapprove of our actions. We may look for approval from those who have none to give.
•
♥️THESE UNMET NEEDS FOR APPROVAL AND LOVE FROM OUR PAST GIVE OTHERS CONTROL OVER US. These needs can prevent us from acting in our own best interests and prevent us from cultivating the very self-esteem and love we are looking for.
•
Rachna Singh, Mandy Hale, Melodie Beattie

Somewhere in the middle of being driven by “what other people think,” the tension between desire for approval and the fear of disapproval, are we missing what we really want?
•
Since childhood, some of us have been trying to get approval, trying to get people to like us and think highly of us. We may be afraid that people will leave us if they disapprove of our actions. We may look for approval from those who have none to give.
•
♥️THESE UNMET NEEDS FOR APPROVAL AND LOVE FROM OUR PAST GIVE OTHERS CONTROL OVER US. These needs can prevent us from acting in our own best interests and prevent us from cultivating the very self-esteem and love we are looking for.
•
Rachna Singh, Mandy Hale, Melodie Beattie

••• you are the one who hears it.
•
Our thoughts have far less impact on the world than we would like to think. If we are willing to watch all of our thoughts, we will see that the vast majority of them have no relevance.
•
They have no effect on anything or anybody, except ourselves. They are simply making us feel better or worse about what is going on now, what has gone on in the past and what has gone on in the future.
•
Micheal A. Singer

••• you are the one who hears it.
•
Our thoughts have far less impact on the world than we would like to think. If we are willing to watch all of our thoughts, we will see that the vast majority of them have no relevance.
•
They have no effect on anything or anybody, except ourselves. They are simply making us feel better or worse about what is going on now, what has gone on in the past and what has gone on in the future.
•
Micheal A. Singer

Here’s to all our gloriously complex rainbow of emotions! Happy Friday!

Here’s to all our gloriously complex rainbow of emotions! Happy Friday!

What perfect timing for a class that is created for, by and about amazing #women💫 Learn how how to manage anxiety and build community via deep mind-body connection with my bright, vibrant and courageous #frolleague @sarah_mclaughlin_therapy 🧘🏽‍♀️🧘🏾‍♀️🧘🏼‍♀️🧘🏿‍♀️🧘🏻‍♀️#internationalwomensday #sanfrancisco

What perfect timing for a class that is created for, by and about amazing #women💫 Learn how how to manage anxiety and build community via deep mind-body connection with my bright, vibrant and courageous #frolleague @sarah_mclaughlin_therapy 🧘🏽‍♀️�🧘🏾‍♀️🧘🏼‍♀️🧘🏿‍♀️🧘🏻‍♀️#internationalwomensday #sanfrancisco

What do you do when things get #intense? Whether it be emotions, thoughts or something physical, how do you move in the face of intensity?

In/Tense

The word itself provides us options. We can either react and get #tense, barricading our minds and bodies in the face of challenging circumstances or we can turn #in, turning towards ourselves and responding by staying with it, being curious about it and opening ourselves up to the softness within.

What do you do when things get #intense? Whether it be emotions, thoughts or something physical, how do you move in the face of intensity?

In/Tense

The word itself provides us options. We can either react and get #tense, barricading our minds and bodies in the face of challenging circumstances or we can turn #in, turning towards ourselves and responding by staying with it, being curious about it and opening ourselves up to the softness within.

#Resentments are such silly things. #Envy is silly, too. But those silly little things can eat away at our #hearts. Sometimes, people are put into our lives to teach us about what we are capable of. Sometimes people we perceive as the #enemy are really our #friends. Is there someone in your life you’re spending energy feeling #envious or #resentful towards? Could that person be there to teach you something about yourself or inspire you along your path? #melodybeattie

#Resentments are such silly things. #Envy is silly, too. But those silly little things can eat away at our #hearts. Sometimes, people are put into our lives to teach us about what we are capable of. Sometimes people we perceive as the #enemy are really our #friends. Is there someone in your life you’re spending energy feeling #envious or #resentful towards? Could that person be there to teach you something about yourself or inspire you along your path? #melodybeattie

"I should have...if only...why didn't they...how dare they..." Heartbreak. What if interrupting the inner voice does not work? What if the situation feels impossible and the mean voice is persistent? It might be time to detach from the narrative, to step away from the blame, the victimhood, and the desire to shore things up. In releasing ourselves from the fantasy of gaining any kind of footing, we can create space to turn towards those feelings that we've tried to temper. In the midst of loneliness, in the midst of fear, we can let go of our ego's need for a palatable narrative and allow our hearts to break. In doing this, we put down our shields and open ourselves to the expanse of shared suffering, discovering our kinship to all beings. We are not alone. #pemachodron #mindfulness

"I should have...if only...why didn't they...how dare they..." Heartbreak. What if interrupting the inner voice does not work? What if the situation feels impossible and the mean voice is persistent? It might be time to detach from the narrative, to step away from the blame, the victimhood, and the desire to shore things up. In releasing ourselves from the fantasy of gaining any kind of footing, we can create space to turn towards those feelings that we've tried to temper. In the midst of loneliness, in the midst of fear, we can let go of our ego's need for a palatable narrative and allow our hearts to break. In doing this, we put down our shields and open ourselves to the expanse of shared suffering, discovering our kinship to all beings. We are not alone. #pemachodron #mindfulness

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